Week 2 Vibe Check
A SHELLACKING, FOLKS.
Bless the Ravens for doing their jobs to save me the embarrassment. Hopefully, you bet big there and walked away.
What did these losses show us, besides this is hard?
Nobody Knows How to Cover (1-3)
First, the Chargers D (and Justin Herbert) might be for real. The team doctor, not so much.
The Steelers seemed like easy money until Jeff Driskel rose up from the bench and managed to make a ball game of this one. Even without Courtland Sutton, the Broncos skill players could be talented enough to keep mediocre QB play competitive.
Drew Brees has lost it. You know how I know that he lost it? He got out-dueled by Derek Carr. DEREK CARR. (Forget I said this in Week 10 when the Saints are 9-1 and slated fo be the one seed.)
This one particularly hurt because I was in prime position to win my weekly picks pool by going UNDEFEATED, which could've softened the blow of some of my other losses. All I needed was a Saints victory. I thought about hedging with a moneyline bet on the Raiders. I even implored friends and family members to do the same, knowing this setup meant a kiss of death to the city of New Orleans. Alas, I didn't. I rode it out, dancing with the girl who brung me. Well, to paraphrase my cousin, after a similarly rough betting weekend, I'd jump off the roof but I'm pretty sure I would screw that up, too.
Unders suck. (0-1)
I'm sorry for ever recommending one.
Under(whelming)dog
Folks, the Panthers were another bad beat. Fournette's garbage time breakaway TD killed a sweet, sweet backdoor cover. I still don't think the Bucs are very good, but am less inclined to bet Carolina going forward sans CMC.
The Future is Here
49ers -3.5 over Giants
MetLife was a house of horrors for the Niners only a week ago except for the fact they won handily with almost exclusively 2nd and 3rd stringers starting at half time. I expect no different this week against a similarly inept New York football team without their best player. Nick Mullens has looked better than good in his appearances, has some freaky athletic ability, and has the respect of even his most veteran teammates.
Patriots -5.5 over Raiders
Once again, bet on Cam Newton to prove he's better than a 40+ year old QB. He looks as good as his glory years running the New England offense and was a couple yards away from stealing one in Seattle. Not to mention, I'm wagering on Belichek to efficiently and emotionlessly eat Gruden and Carr's lunch for them.
Seahawks -5 over Dallas
RED ALERT! RED ALERT! THEY ARE LETTING RUSS COOK! RUSS IS IN THE KITCHEN! RUSS IS HEAD CHEF NOW! Even Boomers get the meme. Dallas is coming off a miracle win against the Falcons, who're practically inventing new improbable ways to blow leads, and I wouldn't exactly call them stable. They'll be without their two top linebackers, All-Pro left tackle, and, more likely than not, their best pass rusher. Seattle's D has some question marks, but if they continue down the same path offensively, I just don't see this one being close.
Cardinals -5.5 over Lions
Kyler has officially taken "the next step." Let's hold off crowning him the MVP, but his size, speed, and slipperiness almost seem to make him invisible out there. If you thought Davante Adams dismantled Jeff Okudah wait until DeAndre Hopkins sets him to spin cycle for 60 minutes.
Packers +3 over Saints
This might be out of pure spite, but the Packers will win this game, and if they want to give me free points on top of it then I'll take them. Aaron Rodgers might actually be living up to the idea of a I-Still-Got-It Tour and achieved another plane of consciousness. If the Pack can get a second half lead, I'm not counting on the Saints offense to mount any kind of comeback.